Fifty Shades of Tiny

Love

“Warning: This article is rated R and may offend younger and/or sensitive readers.”

by M.J. Boyle

Since the movie, Titanic, remains one of the most popular movies of all time, I can probably assume that you are familiar with the hand-on-the-steamy-car-window sex scene. Given this, I suppose it only makes sense that during a discussion about sex in tiny houses, a reference to sex in cars would immediately follow.

“WHAT discussion about sex in tiny houses?” you might ask.

Sex is one of those subjects (like composting toilets) where everyone hopes you will tell them all of your dirtiest and most intimate secrets while simultaneously hoping you won’t ask them to return the favor. But, when I posed the question “How is sex in tiny houses different than in a normal house?” on a popular facebook page; there was no shortage of answers. Apparently, tiny house enthusiasts are a pretty open bunch of people. Who’d thunk?

So, before I begin, I have to confess:

  1. Even though I am building a tiny house in my own driveway, I have not had sex in it. (yet)
  2. I have also not had sex in a car. (and I’ve owned one of those for over 30 years!)

Why confess, now? To help you understand how very inexperienced I am with this subject matter. Knowing that, it only makes sense that I would ask strangers to help with my research.

sunset heart

First off, the dozens of people who responded to my query can pretty much be divided into two categories; those who live in a tiny house with kids, and those that don’t. It seems, and would be logical, that the subject of privacy and sex go hand in hand in such a small space. (Actually…everything goes hand in hand, in such a small space, but I digress….)

Secondly, the issues of sex in a loft space vs a first floor bedroom also came to light as it appears that sleeping (or not) in a loft requires a bit more dexterity than some tiny houses enthusiasts possess.

Ancient History– Sex in small spaces is nothing new. Our ancestors had no shame in conducting their business in close proximity to everyone in the family, separated only by a blanket. It was considered a normal part of life and communal family living. As our society has progressed, however, sex has evolved into a more private affair. Today, as it turns out, there are still some who are willing to buck the trend of sexual privacy and either ask their children to wear headphones, or wait until they go to sleep. As one respondent explains “that’s what they make sheets for.”

Play Dates – If you’re living in a tiny house, with kids, however, that awkward talk about “mommy and daddy time” doesn’t have to be a sweat inducing conversation. Some tiny house parents choose to merely wait until their children have gone to school, or a friend’s house, to engage in coitus. I have to admit; it brings to mind a whole new meaning to the terms “play date” and “Romper Room”. In that scenario, sex in a tiny house really isn’t much different than a normally sized home, unless you’re in a loft of course.

Lofty Lovin’ – Amongst tiny house enthusiasts, there are adamant proponents on each side of the loft vs main floor bedroom discussions. Most of these discussions focus on age related issues and reluctance to climb stairs with no rails, or inability to climb them at all. When you introduce the idea of sex in lofts, however, the subject takes on a whole new shade of fun. Apparently, leverage for the lucky lover on the bottom is a key pleasure factor. Footprints on the ceiling, anyone? Also, since there is no room for a bedframe, there is no bedframe to move or squeak. Bonus! Looking for something to hold onto? One of the respondents enthusiastically reported that she and her husband installed permanent handles at the head of the bed. Sex on the stairs? Given that the last step is commonly 18” tall, or more, it apparently serves as the perfect perch height for the more brave and balanced amongst us.

feather

Ladder, Ladders, and more Ladders – Even if you have a first floor bedroom in a tiny house you probably also have a ladder to access storage. Or, if you have a loft, you have a loft ladder. Either way, THIS is the kind of kinky fun I am looking forward to. Ladder + Silk Scarves + Feathers (or leather) = Fun. So….about all those fun dreams that you’ll have now; you’re welcome. In all honesty, I cannot take full credit for this idea but the guy who came up with this idea won’t; so the burden is left to me.

All The Time in the World–Nine months after large snowstorms, it is very common for local hospitals to see a small increase in the births of new babies in that same area. When people find themselves with extra time on their hands, without the distractions of everyday life activities like work, and school, and TV; they have sex. If you ask tiny house occupants what they enjoy most about the tiny house lifestyle, they often quote “more time” as a factor for the uptick in their quality of life. If they’re spending less time cleaning or working to pay a mortgage, they have more time for doing the activities they love….like hiking and biking and traveling; and sex. And what are these occupants doing when they’re not doing all of that? They are planning to have sex. They’re installing brackets for swinging chairs, handles on the ceiling over the shower, and bolting the kitchen cabinets to the walls.

In many ways, love lives are really no different in tiny houses than they are in normal sized houses. People will always find a time, and a place, to express their naked desires. In a car, in an elevator, on a park bench, or their parent’s bedroom…..they’re all fair game. I am really not surprised that since the people who live in tiny houses are very intentional about what they find time and space for in their lives, and homes (and because it’s one of the sheer joys of being an adult) sex often makes the list.

The stair perching, ladder tying, handle installing, cabinet bolting, list.

I better stop here. I’m blushing….

m.j. boyle

Michelle is an outgoing single mom, published author, speaker, patented inventor, blogger, craigslist stalker, enthusiastic Glamper, and Northwest native; as well as a tiny house enthusiast, designer, and builder. Her Tiny House, aptly named “My Empty Nest”, is the culmination of a life spent dreaming of a tiny reclaimed space, all her own. If you’d like to follow Michelle’s tiny house build, you can find her at: http://mytinyemptynest.blogspot.com.

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Judy Childers - February 14, 2015 Reply

A breath of fresh air, loved this!

Athena - February 14, 2015 Reply

Sex in an airplane lavatory makes sex in a Tiny house seem luxurious,…right? It’s all relative. Besides, who says you have to stay in the house to have sex. Most people who live in tiny houses live in wonderful places where there are lots of fun outdoor spaces!

lisa - February 14, 2015 Reply

This was a wonderful hilarious fun way to start my Valentine’s Day!!! Thank you Michelle, and may you experience some of this in your “tiny empty nest” !!!

Marguerite - February 14, 2015 Reply

I’m going to hang a few heavy duty ropes from the ceiling of my tiny house ostensibly to give folks going up and down the wee staircase to the loft something to hold on to (don’t worry, they are mounted quite safely).

Key word: “ostensibly.” They have secondary uses 😉

Also, sturdy countertops.

zola cat - February 14, 2015 Reply

Well written, funny, Happy V day article. Thanks

Gary - February 14, 2015 Reply

Great Valentine’s Day story! Now I’ll have to take another look at your Facebook page. 😉

alice h - February 14, 2015 Reply

If the house is a rockin’ . . . well, best to make sure your house is set nice and sturdy on it’s supports before you get too crazy! http://www.rv-jacks-leveling.com/2012/07/if-house-is-rockin-humor.html

Macy - February 14, 2015 Reply

Nice read Michelle! I’ve conceived two kids now in the tiny house… it’s not all that difficult to come up with solutions! 😉

tealady3 - February 14, 2015 Reply

FUNNY thanks for the good laugh.

Annie - February 15, 2015 Reply

Very enjoyable article for Valentine’s Day! And a nice heads up as I make my plans for my future tiny house!

Sheila McChesney - February 16, 2015 Reply

Awesome article!! It is a subject that needs discussed and applaud your adventurous spirit!!

Becca - February 16, 2015 Reply

Glad someone finally answered the question everyone was secretly, or not-so-secretly, wondering!

Karen - February 16, 2015 Reply

Great post!

Michelle - February 17, 2015 Reply

You’re welcome. I really enjoyed writing it.

Jane on Whidbey - February 17, 2015 Reply

Many years ago, I sub;et an apartment from a very tall friend, who had built a loft bed from 4x4s, plywood, and a lot of bolts. The desk had plenty of room below, and the double/queen platform was the exactly right distance from the ceiling. But that was flat, and very comfortable. I’ve slept in the loft of a tiny, and can’t say the same. I’d have had to be a lot shorter.
Thus, my bed is on the main level. lol With a loft over it, made of sturdy 4x4s. 😉

angelaalcorn1972 - February 18, 2015 Reply

This is the best tiny house article written to date! This was interesting and funny, full of great design and decorating ideas, but mostly educational, extremely educational!! I’m ready for the next series of, Fifty Shades of Tiny! You Rock!

Jane - March 28, 2015 Reply

Thanks for the post, Michelle. But as for me there’s no better place for sex than a good bed. Never understood all the hype about varying sex life. There’s plenty of things you can do if you’re bored – go play with your children, read the book, find hobby, make a trip. It seems too me that people are just looking in the wrong direction.

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